Election night

With a slight air of fear we joined Katherine and Paul , from the Jam Tomorrow broadcast,  for series of election night updates. The fear was nothing to do with our hosts but more from the fact that Gordon Brown looked like a goner after 'Bigot'gate and that ridiculous smile he's been using, seriously, who else looks worse when they smile ? I know it's hardly original to point this out. But does anyone remember Churchill's smile ? Or William Pitt the Younger's ?

Katherine and Paul where delightful , although unaware that if Steve is asked a political question , his insightful and witty answer may take longer than learning Chinese. One of the station's posse, Chris, who I was to find out later was in fact 'the other Chris', provided a marvellous buffet all of which was perched on the already full resonance sink unit. The upstairs office, which is reached by a rickety spiral staircase the sort that if Argos was to sell two types of spiral staircase this one would be marketed 'budget' , was a buzz with activity. Katherine had brought in some Marmalade flavoured sponge cakes, which had spent just a tad longer in the oven than required, which supplemented the downstairs more savoury fare. Laptops were inhaling the Wi fi  news feeds to such an extent , that we all had juddery video . So every now and then David Dimbleby would.................freeze and................then we'd ...........have to kill time reading the Twitter feed. Honestly, is that where culture has led us ? Some up existence in 140 characters ?
    On air we had the same problem as all other live pundits, there was nothing to pun or dit. Apart from Sunderland who put on a sort of nutty school sports day and have their result ready in about 20 minutes, the rest of the country drags it's heels for hours ! So Steve and I reworked some of the material that hadn't made it into previous broadcasts as well as some that did. All the while Katherine and Paul looked on politely  waiting for a pause so they could join in, it was their show after all, that pause came very rarely I assure you. Steve is a stand up comic , and I too have dabbled in that game. On stage the worst thing you can do is leave a pause , unless you are Stewart Lee, as any heckler will see this break as a chink in your armour and unleash a salvo of unwanted criticism and/or physical threats. 
    Sadly the worry of losing a Labour government seemed to burrow into my brain and the resulting headache meant I had to take an early shower and retire from the broadcast.  I say early , it was about 2.30am which has disrupted my sleep since. Look at the time stamp on this entry for example. So with a head feeling like someone was trying to blow up a balloon inside it, I headed out to find a night bus. The 'Resonance' staff limo was being used station manager Richard ,to 'cruise for 'ho's' , as he put it.
Sadly I had dressed for much earlier in the day, ie when it was warm, now it was freezing. As I stood at the desolate bus stop, realising I may be some time and that my bodyheat was dispersing rapidly, I decided to rely on a method of insulation only selected by the homeless. Grabbing the newspapers I had been using to form commentary all night , I shamefully inserted them inside my thin jacket to hold in warmth. Here is an artist's impression of the event.

So even now on Sunday morning there  is no sign of a proper Government, and even the one we'll get will be as flimsy as my election night jacket. And the headache it will cause will be much, much worst.