Totally Biased Post Election Podcast Now Available

Picture nicked off News Biscuit

Check out the podcast from last weeks show (you might have to scroll down the page a bit to find us). A bit late but still packed with funniness and fury!

Totally Biased is in post election meltdown. This show was first broadcast live at the very moment that David Cameron was visiting old Pound Face at the palace to pick up the keys to Number Ten. Steve is joined by David Tuck to discuss the big lesson of Election 2010 – Never ever trust a Lib Dem ever everagain. There is also music from Richard Thompson and Martyn Joseph. Plus the usual fraught attempts to speak to our Minister for Social Insecurity, Ed Crasnick in LA.

Shame on Nick Clegg – a rant by Steve

Lessons number one learnt from learnt from Election 2010. Never ever trust a Lib Dem ever ever again. As I have always suspected they have proved themselves a bunch of backsliding, two faced, unprincipled weathercocks...No let's lose the weather bit. A bunch of backsliding, two faced unprincipled cocks. Who could ever trust them again?

They sold themselves in the TV debates and on the doorsteps as progressives and then handed David Cameron the keys to Number Ten. By the way, why is it always the 'keys to Number Ten' not the key? Is there a back door/patio windows too? Perhaps the front door has a Yale and a mortise lock for extra security? Even with a copper on the doorstep you can't be too careful these days. Actually, have you ever seen a PM lock the door when he/she/it leaves for work? Of course Dave Cameron couldn't do it even if he wanted to, he’s not used to using keys himself, he’s got staff for that. In fact, I’m not sure he carries money either.

Amazingly I had a row with a mate of mine earlier who said that doing a deal with the Tories was the ‘mature’ thing to do. The only thing 'mature' about the Lib Dems is Vince 'Methuselah' Cable .

People don’t seem to understand that 'cuts' are not an abstract concept they are the destruction of your hospitals, schools and jobs. If you’re lucky enough not to have experienced the brutality of the Tories last time, take a look at how the Welsh Valleys and the north of England are still suffering from what the Tories did 20 years ago. And now the Lib Dems want a go too.

Lib Dem voters have been duped.

Only one in four eligible votes went to Cameron, hardly a divine right to rule. But the power hungry sneaks of the Lib Dems still seem to think that they are a party to be supported. I’m not saying they should have done a deal with Labour, just stood up for something they claim to believe in for once in their sorry lives.

I shouldn’t be surprised. They have never had any backbone, but you don't expect any in parasitic bacteria do you? We must all remember at the next election, 'vote Lib Dem, Get Tories'.

Also, have you noticed how the oh so progressive Barak ‘look into my eyes, not around the eyes, look into my eyes’ Clegg, has negotiated all sorts of things with the new mates in the Tories. But has he mentioned the cuts? Has he tried to negotiate an alternative to trying to make tax payers to pay for the city boys fuck ups and bonues? Has he demanded that the government protects those who pay for it and vote for it, rather than those who live in Belize and use Britain as their own high rolling Las Vegas casino, (all be it with worse weather and fewer ‘all you can eat’ buffets). Has the Cleggster done even a little bit of this? Of course he hasn’t. He too giddy with the whiff of power,  punching the air like an animatronic wax work of Tim Henman dressed as an extra from The Office.

So how to fight the Con-dems and their reactionary programme of cuts and attacks?

I for one will be supporting the BA strikes and thank them for showing us it is possible to defend our jobs, services and communities by standing up together with our mates, colleagues and communities and having our say.

I suspect Nick Clegg and his twat of shit nosed yes men* would rather help feather the nests of people like BA Boss and old fashion British Leyland style union busting thug Willie Walsh, than admit that Unite and the BA staff might have a point.  No understanding, negotiation and willingness compromise there.

In the debates Clegg critisised the Tories for doing deals with right wing homophobic nutters in Europe, which is true. However, Clegg now seems to be doing exactly the same thing right here in the UK.

I feel so sorry for all those who voted Lib Dem. You have been the victims of a nasty con...well Lib. I bet you won’t even be voting for them as a second preference in the next general election. I suspect you won’t be able to make a second preference even if you wanted.

*Twat is the collective noun for a group of Lib Dems. As in a gaggle of geese, a flock of sheep, A twat of Lib Dems

How to vote Labour.

David is right, I felt an awful dirty feeling when I saw Labour's sanitised election poster defacing this blog. I am, of course, encouraging people to vote Labour to keep the Tories out, the Lib Dems are not offering that guarantee, so any argument that they are a progressive force has to be questioned. Plus I have it on good authority that Nick Clegg is in fact just a trick of the light.

Still, sadly in most constituencies in the country Labour is the least shit option. There is the odd place where a Labour vote doesn't hurt too much, for example, my own constituency of Islington North where the brilliant Jeremy Corbyn is the standing MP. Others are not so lucky. You can check up on the voting record of the local MP here

But there are exceptions TUSC are standing in a handful of places like Tottenham where Jenny Sutton is running a great campaigning against the Blairite incumbent, Higher Education Secretary David 'follows like a Lamb'  Lammy.

There is also Respect and in particular Salma Yaqoob in Birmingham. If she wins could be the one positive thing to come out of this election. A left wing campaigner and the first Muslim woman MP. 

Oh and let's not forget Dai Davies in Blaenau Gwent (he wouldn't be the first Muslim woman MP, but still worth a punt) and Caroline Lucas and Derek Wall for the Greens. Either would be the first Green MP and a welcome addition parliament

But that still leaves some 500 constituencies where there is no left candidate of any stripe standing. So, in these areas here's how to vote Labour: 

Think of the polling booth like the toilets at Glastonbury. Take a deep breath, pop a peg on your nose, run in a do the dirty deed. It's Brown, it's not nice, but it is necessary.